The Nervous System, Food Struggles, and the Path Back to Safety
If you know me, you know I’ve always had people-pleasing and perfectionist tendencies, something I’ve been working on intentionally for years now (and have come a long way with). The topic I want to begin with today is deeply woven into my own healing story, the stories of nearly every woman I work with, and a conversation that’s gaining more attention right now.
That topic is the nervous system.
Most often, our struggles with food and our bodies are not rooted in a lack of discipline, but how the body has adapted to stress and perceived threat. Binge eating, restriction, overeating aren’t willpower problems - they’re responses shaped by our nervous system. And we have to understand this if we want to create real, lasting change in how we eat, move, and see ourselves.
Let me take you back for a moment. When I was about fifteen, my days revolved around gymnastics. I woke up before the sun and trained from 5:30 to 7:30 in the morning. Before practice, I ate two Eggo waffles with syrup, and after training I’d grab a protein bar, some yogurt, and raisins. And then… nothing.
From late morning until evening practice ended, I might eat an apple or a small snack at school. I was so committed to gymnastics that I often ate alone in the library, using my lunch break to finish homework. I left school early, around 2pm, and headed back to the gym to train again until about 6. By the time I got home, my body was desperate. I was exhausted, ravenous, and shaky. I’d find myself standing in the corner of the kitchen eating a sleeve of saltines with jelly. At the time, I didn’t have language for what was happening, I just knew I felt out of control.
Looking back now, I can see it clearly. This wasn’t a lack of discipline (obviously, your girl was crazy disciplined). This was a young body trying to survive relentless training, chronic under-fueling, and constant demand.
Let me paint another picture, this time in adulthood. It’s January 2021. I’ve just stopped competing in CrossFit. I’m losing weight quickly, eating around 1,700 calories a day while still lifting weights, walking 10,000–15,000 steps, and working full time. On paper, my life looks “healthy.” But inside, my mind is consumed by food and my body. I won’t eat anything that isn’t planned or logged. If friends invite me out to dinner, I tell them I’ve already eaten, not because I’m not hungry, but because the anxiety of eating something untracked feels unbearable. If I do go, I choose the lowest-calorie option, spend the evening tense and unable to fully engage in conversation, and often come home feeling unsettled and on edge. Sometimes that tension spills over into binge eating. Even on the days I “hold it together,” I feel depleted, ashamed, and stuck… exhausted from not eating enough and weighed down by confusion.
From the outside, I look like I’m thriving. People comment on my body constantly. They ask what my secret is and how I lost weight so quickly. And inside, I’m asking myself: If what I’m doing is wrong, why is it being praised? What will people think if I gain the weight back? How long can I keep living like this?
Would you call this discipline? Most would. And most women who come into my program would recognize themselves in this story: high-achieving, motivated, driven, and often perfectionistic. Maybe you’ve been praised your whole life for being “disciplined,” for being the “fit friend,” or for moving through heartbreak and trauma without ever missing a beat. If that’s you, I see you.
These are two stories, but I have many others. What they share is under-nourishment, dieting mindsets, food rules, and a deep desire to change my body. But in both seasons of my life, something essential was being overlooked. My nervous system. Of course, nutrition, physiology, environment, psychology, and life context all matter - but without nervous system safety, none of them work as they should. And until we understand how it works - how it responds to stress, restriction, and perceived threat - we will keep blaming ourselves for behaviors that were actually protective at the time.
So let’s start there.
The nervous system’s primary job is survival and safety. Its role isn’t to make us happy or productive, it’s to keep us alive. It does this by constantly scanning our internal and external world and shifting us between a few primary states depending on what it perceives. At a very high level, we can think of the nervous system moving between three main states: fight or flight (sympathetic activation), shutdown or freeze (dorsal vagal) , and rest and digest (ventral vagal/parasympathetic).
Fight or flight is a state of mobilization. The body is on high alert, preparing to act, push, perform, or protect. Shutdown or freeze is also a survival state, but instead of mobilizing, the body conserves energy, numbs out, or pulls inward. Both of these states are considered activation and they’re how the body responds when it doesn’t feel safe. Rest and digest, on the other hand, is the state where the body feels safe enough to move slowly. Digestion works well. Hunger and fullness cues are clearer. Hormones can function as they should. You’re able to be patient, think clearly, and slow down. This is where healing, connection, and regulation happen.
When the body perceives a threat - stress, restriction, pressure, trauma, lack of rest - it automatically shifts into survival mode. This isn’t a conscious choice. Your body is simply doing what it was designed to do: protect you. And for many of us (hello, it was me), this becomes a dominant state. When we’ve lived in chronic activation for years: constantly pushing, performing, controlling, and overriding our body’s signals… it can start to feel normal. And then you might start thinking: There must be something wrong with me. I just need to try harder.
Dieting, food restriction, body shame, over-exercising, inconsistent eating, and constantly telling your body it can’t be trusted are all interpreted by the nervous system as threats. Even when they’re socially praised. Even when they look “healthy” from the outside. Your body doesn’t understand calorie targets or aesthetic goals - it responds to energy availability, consistency, stress, and perceived safety.
How a Dysregulated Nervous System Shows Up Around Food
Once we understand that the nervous system is always scanning for safety, so many food behaviors begin to make sense. You might be thinking, When would my body not feel safe? Hyper-productivity. Under-eating. Nutrient depletion. Chronic stress. Lack of sleep. No space for rest or joy… just to name a few. When the body doesn’t feel safe, it shifts into survival mode. And in survival mode, priorities change. The body conserves energy. It seeks quick, reliable fuel. And it down-regulates systems that aren’t essential for immediate survival.
A quick note: we want to spend most of our daily lives in a state of safety and connection (aka rest and digest) this is where we experience joy, healing, growth, health, and rest. We also want our nervous system to respond appropriately to real threats (like a house fire) and then return to safety once the danger has passed. Survival mode isn’t “bad”, it’s actually very good and very protective. The issue arises when we lose the flexibility or capacity to move in and out of these states.
When this state becomes chronic, it often shows up around food in predictable ways:
Restriction or under-eating
Binge eating
Food obsession
Loss of hunger and fullness cues
Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Digestive issues
Feeling out of control around food
Constant thoughts about food, body, or exercise
Dieting, disordered eating, and body image struggles may have initially developed as effective strategies to create a sense of safety or connection during difficult seasons. They can also provide a sense of control when life feels overwhelming or chaotic. And this is why these patterns can be so hard to change.
These behaviors are adaptive responses, they developed for a reason, even if they no longer serve us now. They are not failures. They are your body doing its very best to protect you.
Why Diet Culture Keeps the Nervous System Stuck
We have to talk about diet culture. Diet culture teaches control, discipline, and mistrust of the body… truly this was my bread and butter. Ignore hunger cues? Easy. Delay eating? No problem. Disconnect from my body? Been doing that since childhood. What else you got?!
In all seriousness, it praises ignoring hunger, pushing through exhaustion, and overriding internal cues in the name of “health” or “results.” Over time, repeated dieting trains the nervous system to stay on high alert, constantly monitoring, restricting, and bracing. This is why so many women feel like they’ve tried everything and still don’t have peace. It’s not because they didn’t try hard enough. It’s because willpower was never the missing piece. You cannot regulate a nervous system through rigid control, punishment, or more restriction. Healing happens through awareness, understanding, and safety.
The Biblical Lens: God as a God of Peace, Not Fear
This is where faith becomes such a powerful part of the healing process. Throughout Scripture, God is described as a refuge: a place of safety, rest, and peace. We’re reminded again and again not to live in fear, not because life is easy, but because fear is not meant to lead us. God is not a God of chaos, striving, or punishment. He is a God of peace.
When we live in constant stress - pushing our bodies, restricting food, criticizing ourselves nonstop - we often live out of alignment with the way we were designed. Our bodies were created with wisdom. They were created to respond, adapt, protect… and heal. Learning to bring safety back into the body - through nourishment, rest, compassion, and trust - is stewardship. It’s honoring the body God gave us and allowing it to function as intended. (I mean… He gave us hunger cues for a reason.)
Healing your relationship with food and your body isn’t about trying harder. It’s about learning to walk a new path. So you might be thinking, Okay Tasia… but how? One of my favorite quotes is this: “The nervous system learns by doing.” We can’t think our way into healing or strong-arm our way through it, and honestly, that frustrates me too. Give me a to-do list instead, I beg of you. Healing looks different for everyone, but here are a few foundational starting points:
Eating enough food regularly. You cannot convince an under-fed brain to feel safe.
Using gentle structure to help rebuild hunger and fullness cues (this is something I support clients with inside Wonderfully Made).
Prioritizing rest: realistically, not perfectly.
Replacing harsh self-criticism with self-compassion.
Practicing, again and again, and again, and again. You get the point!
Bringing it all to the feet of the Lord. He is the Healer Himself, and true change happens when He is at the center.
Creating safety through community. Food and body struggles thrive in secrecy. Finding a safe person or space is incredibly important. You don’t have to do this alone!
Let me leave you with this: there is so much hope here. This work can feel overwhelming and confusing at times, but it is deeply worth it. As someone who continues to walk this path of nervous system healing (thanks to experiencing dysregulation from mold toxicity), I can promise you this: the journey is meaningful and the freedom is real.
